All
Our Vows:
In Support of Same Sex Marriage
and the Maryland Dream Act
In Support of Same Sex Marriage
and the Maryland Dream Act
Kol Nidrei 5773;
September 25, 2012
September 25, 2012
“B’y’shiva
shel Ma’ala, u’v’y’shiva shel Ma’ata, al da’at haMakom, v’al da’at hakahal, anu
matirin l’hitpaleil im ha’avaryanim. In
the heavenly assembly, and in the earthly one…we pray as one.” Observant and free-spirited, committed and
questioning, rooted and radical, united only, in some ways, by our differences,
we come together on this night. For this
day of reflection and introspection, “saint and sinner alike commune with the
Most High. We are at one.”
We come together now for an evening
which is, along with Chanukah candles and some kind of seder, the most
widely-observed ritual moment of the Jewish year. And yet a jarring note disturbs the
meditative mood. A voice jumps out at
us from the Haftarah portion we will read tomorrow morning. “What are we doing all this for?” Isaiah asks
with a sharp edge and biting sarcasm. “Hachazeh yihyeh tzom ev’charayhu? Yom ‘Anot Adam Nafsho? Is this the fast I have chosen? A day of self-affliction? Bowing your head like a reed? Is this what
you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Eternal? Is not this
the fast I have chosen: pateach
chartzubot resha; hateir aggudot mota, v’shalach r’tzutzim chofshim, v’chol
mota t’nateiku -- to unlock the shackles of injustice, to loosen the ropes
of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to tear every yoke… to bring
every unjust boundary down.”
Or again: “lo haMidrash ha’ikkar, eleh haMa’aseh.” It is not the learning that is the main
point, nor even the ritual. It is
learning, and ritual…and action, the
deed and the doing, that is the point.
That is what works to cleanse our souls and mend a broken world. Meditation and movement, spirituality and social justice… the two
together. Both/and, but not, and never,
either/or.
I remember. I remember, through the mist of time, going
to services as a young boy, asking my mother where the rabbi was. “Oh, he’s in jail,” she said. “Again,” she said. “Marching for civil rights,” she said. “Again.”
And I remember. I remember what
was said by the great Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel – one of the most learned spiritual
teachers of the last century, but also one of the great activists of our
time. “When I marched in Selma,” Heschel
famously taught, “I felt… as if my feet were praying.”
“Kol
Nidrei, v’esarai, va’charamai, v’konamay, v’kinuyay, v’kinusay, u’shavuot. All vows, prohibitions, consecrations,
assertions, acquisitions and oaths… that we take upon ourselves, from this Yom
Kippur to the next one…”
But not all of our vows are equally
binding. And not all our oaths are
equally wanted. For some of us, there
are vows that have no standing in the eyes of the law, empty words whispered
into the wind. And for some, there are
oaths not yet taken, dreams deferred, waiting, fading farther away with each
passing day.
My friends, on this night, this
holiest of moments, in the midst of our deepest sense of spirituality and
greatest potential for unity, we have difficult challenges before us, and
controversial ones. I call upon us this
night to not only step into the world of ritual, but also remember the world of
action. I am aware, however, that not
everyone will agree with what I am about to say, or what it is that I want us
to do. At a time of coming together,
then, I want to temper a call to action with a measure of grace: we value every
voice, and every spirit. The circle of the sacred remains an inclusive one,
depending upon a shared sense of identity far more than agreement about issues.
If we act in ways both conscious and conscientious,
if we are open enough, then to act as a community, to exercise our conscience
need not mean that we read anyone out.
And on this night let us remember… that even determined purpose and
moral resolve rarely rests on unanimity.
What are the shackles of injustice I
feel this night? What are the ropes we
hope to loosen, the unjust barriers we seek to bring down? This season we face a choice of candidates –
and also questions concerning communal policy.
On the question of men and women, of who to vote for or against we take
no public position at all. But ballot
initiatives and legislation is in a different category: these are policy
matters with moral implications or social resonance or which reflect underlying
values that our spiritual traditions address directly. Ballot initiatives are something which we,
and congregations around the state, are able to address. And tonight I feel obligated to do so.
This
fall we face two opportunities to step up, and stand out, to pray with our
hands… to act, and by so doing, to make this world more whole. The initiatives I refer to will appear, a
little over a month from now, as Questions Four and Six on the Maryland
ballot. They are the Maryland version of
the Dream Act, and the issue of Marriage Equality for Same-Sex couples. In my view, and, indeed, in the view of our
Reform movement, these are measures which call for our involvement, and
support.
Of
these two, the less well-known, and by far less well understood, is the Dream
Act.
I turn first to a text, as any
exploration of Jewish values should – and I begin with a premise. The strangest section, the most puzzling part
of the Ten Commandments, are words which appear towards the end of the Second
Commandment, the admonition against idolatry: “Ki Anochi Adonai Eloheicha Eil Kana – Pokeid Avon Avot Al Banim Al
Shileishim v’al Ribeyim L’Sonai, V’Oseh Chesed L’alafim L’Ohavai U’l’Shomrei
Mitzvotai…. For I the Eternal your
God am an impassioned God, visiting the guilt of the parents upon the children
unto the third and fourth generations of those who reject Me, but showing
kindness to the thousandth generation of those who love Me, and keep My
commandments.” What disturbing
words! What a troubling tradition – the
notion that we are affected, to such a degree, in our lives, by the choices our
parents and grandparents made.
Troubling, but it is also true. Just look at the journeys made, or not made,
legal, or illegal, to this country.
Those who stayed where they were, among the Jews, are gone now, for the
most part. Of course there is an impact…
of course there is a lasting affect… that comes from the way our ancestors
lived their lives.
But there should be a limit, a way to
step out of the chain of choices we had no part of making. And so the prophet Ezekiel, in what is
largely seen as a response to this notion, takes a new twist on an old proverb:
“Avot yochlu voser, v’shinei habanim
tik’henah – that parents should eat sour grapes, and the teeth of their
children should be set on edge.” No,
Ezekiel asserts, a new day has come, and he proclaims the doctrine of
individual responsibility. “The soul
that sins, that one should be punished.”
That one, and not others.
In theory the Dream Act is a simple
notion. It applies to those who had no
hand in breaking a law, but who were dependent on the decisions of others. It allows for the children of undocumented residents,
brought to this country when they were minors, to be given a chance, and a
choice, to share in some of the benefits afforded to the citizens and legal
residents in the communities in which they live.
The Federal Dream Act is expansive in
its scope, and although it had wide-support at one time it is off the table in
the current climate. What is before us
now is a carefully crafted, much more narrow state-based initiative, which
would allow undocumented immigrant children, raised in Maryland, whose parents
have paid taxes to the state for at least three years, to pay in-state tuition
at Maryland state colleges and universities.
To address the claim that any such students would be taking up academic
places of legal residents, the bill is further narrowed to apply only to those
who have attended a community college for two years, and who want to continue
on to a four-year institution of higher learning. Beneficiaries would also be counted as
international students for purposes of admission.
Remember that the tuition break we are
talking about is for those who are not eligible for federal loans and grants –
but whose higher education will have an impact beyond their own lives. Their professional achievements will
contribute to the community that they call home. In the long run, we are all beneficiaries. I know that not everyone agrees about this
issue. But I believe, our congregation’s
Board believes, our Reform movement believes… that the Maryland Dream Act is
fair, just, balanced – and important.
Of
the two issues, the Dream Act is the less well-known. Marriage equality, same-sex marriage – this
one everyone knows about. And everyone
has a strong opinion.
Texts there are, and arguments over
words, but now I want to do something different. At this point I want to issue an appeal,
instead. Because logic and argument
cannot often overcome discomfort, and yet, I know, sometimes, that compassion
can.
To those of you, few perhaps, who are
on the fence, who are uncomfortable with or opposed to what we are calling
Marriage Equality, support of marriage for same-sex couples, I want to say this:
you may want to frame the question in terms of what feels natural to you, or in
terms of a tradition that you are comfortable with. But marriage, who you live
with, who you build a family with… is a profoundly personal matter. So I ask you: try to think about this in
terms of people. These are real people
we are talking about, our neighbors, our colleagues, our cousins, our kids,
ourselves! You may say you are all in
favor of workplace protection, hospital visitation rights, equal treatment, but
not the M-word. You may say that there
is something special about marriage – and as one who works with life-partners preparing
to marry, who stands with committed couples under the chuppah… you are right.
There is something special
about it. There is a reason marriage is
called kiddushin in Jewish life – a
sanctified, holy relationship. What a
powerful partnership this is indeed. It
is a sacred bond that should be open to all who choose to embrace it. And what an amazing thing it is to witness,
this march towards monogamy! It’s
practically retro! It’s totally
traditional, for God’s sake!
We
are talking about deep values here, and yes, “marriage” matters, because, in
the world we live in, that is how we frame the way we think of families. I can’t bring someone who is not yet
comfortable with this new world to be thrilled about this kind of
inclusiveness, but I can say this: step beyond your zone of comfort if you can,
do it because of what this means to real people, real couples, real families
sitting around you even now, even at this time, and in this space… and you will
know that the word mitzvah really
means. It is the sense of doing the
right thing, pulled to it, as it were, commanded, as it says. Because if all you are doing is something you
want to do anyway… that’s hardly a major mitzvah,
is it? That’s an act of convenience, not
a commandment.
Do this, support this, fight for the rights of
other people and I believe, with all
my heart, and all my soul, that you will look in the mirror and know… that you
have done the right thing. Standing up
for those in need of your support, perhaps even against your own initial
instincts, can there be any greater gift than that? Now it is you,
that has the choice, and the chance: this November, and even in the work of
support we can do before then – with your voice and your vote you can make this world a better place!
I
am well aware that God does not answer all our prayers. But the times in my life when I have prayed
to be able to be there for a person I care about, when my requests have been
about being better, embracing empathy, having some sense of what someone else
is going through… that kind of prayer… it tends to get answered. Often enough, the answer is even “yes.”
For
those of us already inclined to support Marriage Equality, remember: this needs
to pass. This needs to pass now. It needs to pass here. Atta
HaIsh. At HaIsha. You are the one… You are going to put this over the
top. We are going to be the first. We are going to make history!
And
so what is it that we can do, and what can we not do?
We can… remember that the work we do
to better the world is something we do… as Jews, as a congregation, as a Jewish
community, as an expression of our Jewish values… as well as flowing from our
sense of general human decency. We can
step forward, with head and heart and hand… With education, passion, and
advocacy.
Religious school opened on September 9
with a table full of information about both ballot questions, much of the
material provided by Jews United for Jusice, the organization coordinating the
Jewish community’s efforts on these initiatives, working with synagogues of
every single denomination all over the state. Tomorrow afternoon, during the Yom Kippur
Mid-Day Study Sessions, we offer a chance to explore the issues surrounding the
ballot initiatives: we will have with us a “Dreamer,” an immigrant who would
benefit from the Dream Act, and those who can speak to Marriage Equality as
well. And on the upcoming two Sunday
night holidays, additional options: on Erev Sukkot, the first evening of the
holiday of Sukkot, Sunday, September 30, we open with a 6:15 PM service under
the Sukkah, followed by a Pot Luck Dinner and a program called Shelter and
Support: An Educational Panel about the Dream Act. Thus we take the core theme of the holiday,
and work to make it real, in the hopes and dreams of those who came here
seeking shelter. The following Sunday
night is Simchat Torah on the Reform calendar, the night when we unroll the entire scroll, unwrap it and
surround those stand in the middle of the Sanctuary with the sacred words. That night we read from the end, and return
to the beginning. On that night, at 6 PM, an hour prior to the
service we host a different program: A New Beginning: An Exploration of
Marriage Equality. The end of the
scroll, the very last letter of the Torah is “Lamed,” and the first letter, the very beginning of Genesis is “Bet.” Together, the Lamed and the Bet form the
Hebrew word Lev, which means
“heart.” What better time to celebrate
love, for all the families in our midst?
We have already begun the work of the
hand, as well. This past Sunday night,
our 8th and 9th grade students began a voter-registration
drive, with phone calls to the college students from our congregation,
reminding other young people who are eligible to vote for the first time to do
so, how to register, and by when. Taking
care to preserve the rights and work within the boundaries of what might well
be diverse opinions, the students also learned about political activism in
general – and they were joined by adult congregants in the first of our three
evenings of phone bank advocacy. Upcoming
phone bank opportunities, with available slots and a real need for
participants, are Tuesday, October 2 and Wednesday, October 10.
Several congregants have hosted house
parties on behalf of Marriage Equality – and in both homes the Dream Act was
discussed as well. Other efforts are on
their way, and you will hear about them in the days to come. Mitzvah Day on November 4, just two days
before the election, will include training and an opportunity to canvass for
those who choose to do so.
This
is what we can do. What we cannot do…
is read anyone out, escalate non-malicious
disagreement into personal opposition, allow a voice with questions or
doubt to feel ostracized, isolated or unwanted.
We cannot condone bigotry but we can live with differing opinions. I believe that clearly, God speaks to us,
yes, but I do not believe that God speaks clearly, and so while I speak with
moral passion I claim no monopoly on ethical insight or principled
positions. I remember… I remember that the
Talmud teaches the words of both Hillel and Shammai, divergent conclusions –
even as it moved forward and ruled for and acted on the positions of the house
of Hillel. Even as we act, we must still
be open to one another, listen to one another, and remember that as strongly as
we feel, we are bound together by far more than the two issues I have put
before us tonight.
Vehaya
b’acharit hayamim… And it will be,
in the days to come… I believe in a time
when we will come together as one…. Not torn apart in strife and discord, but
unified in love, even as we celebrate our differences. I believe that after we let loose the ropes
that tie us down and hold us back, we will come to be bound by our own words,
sanctified by our own choices, the oath of the heart, the vows of the soul.
There is a theory… it may not be
right, but it is out there… that Kol Nidrei came about… because there was a
time when we were forced to say, what we did not mean. Forced to be who we were not. This was a formula meant to free us from the
closets of deceit, the shadows of society.
Let us never do the same thing, to anyone else, neither to force people
to live in secret, or to hide who they are; neither to squash dreams, nor to
stifle love.
This
night and in the days to come, Ribono
Shel Olam, Maker of Matches and Knower of Secrets, help us and work with us. Guide us towards compassion. Let justice prevail. And let freedom reign.
L’shanah
Tovah.